Gosh Darn It!
by Tenko
Summary: Dislike how the thirteen and up anime is dubbed for seven-year-olds? So do I! Let us enjoy the mockery that is my version of dubbed DBZ!


A/N:  Ahhh yes, sweet mockery of FUNimation.  Watch as I mock how FUNimation dubs DBZ.  And I'm mocking the fact that we have to make a 13 and up show made for 7 years olds, not FUNimation itself because I'm sure the people don't enjoy editing it either.  Review, don't review, it's all up to you!  (Yey! Rhyme!)  Anyhow, flame if you desire, I like playing with fire!  Plus, it's 4:30 in the morning after many cups of Mountain Dew and mass quantities of Pocky!  Ehehehehehehe...

Disclaimer: Nothing do I own.  Nothing.  

**"Gosh Darn It!"**

            "Last time on DRAGON BALL Z," a deep throated announcer began recapping enthusiastically, "Krillin's in da house again!  After being destroyed by the reincarn--brought back to life (and who's more powerful than before) Cell, he was wished back by those "mondo cool" dragon balls!  Uh-oh!  Reincar--brought back to life Cell's off to destroy Hercule City!  Not if our heroes have anything to say about it!"

            As the scene fades to the show, we see the newly reincarnated, er, brought back to life Cell touch down with ease in Satan, I mean, Hercule City.  Cell was still in his perfect form and was quite bored.  He had already unsuccessfully tried to find Goku and Gohan so he could repay them for their kind acts of killi--destroying him and sending him to the HFIL.  So, like any other diabolical android would, he randomly walked up to a person, grabbed them by their neck, and (while holding them three feet from the ground) asked, "Have you seen Goku?"

            The man, struggling futilely, gasped out that he, in fact, did not know who or where Goku was.  This, as you may have guessed, did not please Cell, "That's too bad,"  he said calmly while tossing the man into an adjacent building. 

            Without warning, the Z gang landed around Cell.  "Cell!  You bad person, how the hel--heck did you get back from hel--the HFIL?"  Vegeta asked the question that the Z gang had been wondering for five episodes.

            "I--Android 18...how nice to see you again."

            The lithe android back away in disgust.  "Sorry I can't say the same," she spat in distaste.

            "I promised to 'gobble you up, my peach', but I guess my bad ambitions could not be completed,"  Cell said, his voice containing a hint of sadness.

            "Thank God--goodness!  That is my wife you are speaking of!"  Krillin exclaimed for no apparent reason.  His words remarkably still flowed even though his mouth was shut.

            "How did you get here, you little..." Cell paused for a moment to think of kid tested, mother approved name, "dork?"

            "That's none of your business, Cell,"  Piccolo stated, off-camera.  You see, the camera is focusing in on Cell because he's the bad person, but Piccolo's line needed to be said because it added so much to the storyline!

            "Goodness golly-gee whillikers!  This sure is unnerving!"  Goku stated for all to hear.  Gohan nodded, seemingly in agreement and suddenly rushed Cell as if someone had requested that he do so.  And so a commercial ensues.

The author requests that you sit for five minutes while pointless commercials advertising Cartoon Network's crap plays.  Thank you.

            Gohan is seen still rushing at Cell in a manner that would indicate that he was told to do so, but no indication was ever made by Goku.  Honestly.  Finally reaching his goal, Gohan lashed out at Cell with a punch to the face.  But to no avail!  Cell caught his fist easily.  

            "Gohan!" Piccolo shouted as Gohan is mysteriously on the pavement screaming in pain while clutching his wrist.  The tall namek gave a growl at Cell as he smirked menacingly.

            "Hah, is that you all you can give?  You people are weak and stupid.  You are no match for a perfect being like myself," the odd-looking android piped with pride.

            "You...you...bastard!"  Goku screamed in rage after Gohan had safely stumbled back over to the rest of the Z warriors.  "Uhh, uhh, I mean evil being!"  the silly Saiya-ji...I mean, Saiyan somehow said even though his mouth was closed and Cells was currently moving.

            "I'll destroy you," Cell said, his long speech coming to an end.  The Z Warriors all seemed shocked and scared.  

            "You...you wouldn't, you piece of junk android!"  Vegeta gasped.  Cell merely chuckled.

            "Yes, yes, I would." Cell raised his hand...

Let the commercials begin.  Please sit for five and half minutes this time while igia's new commercial plays twice and while a Sylvan's Learning Center commercial plays in between stupid inventions that'd no one would ever need.  The author appreciates your time greatly. 

            Cell merely chuckled.

            "Yes, I would turn the people of earth into my slaves!" Cell raised his hand producing an adult magazine.  The cover's floating letters stated "How to get a date!" and the girl on the cover's floating, solid purple (with no shadowing or black outline) one piece covered her as she appeared to be playing on a pole while nice people clapped wearing odd green gloves.  "COME MY PERSON OF HELP!" he boomed and the Z Warriors all made a strange comment because they're mouths were agape.

            Out of a warehouse Mute--Master Roshi, the old turtle hermit, with a love for porn...magazines on how to get dates, walked mechanically out.  His eyes were dull and vacant.

            "My goodness!  What did you do to him?"  questioned Yamcha with eyes wide.

            "I believe I already explained," Cell chuckled.  "My person of help...kill, errrr, destroy this insignificant insect."  the bad, bad 'man' said with a nonchalant air while flicking his wrist towards Gohan.  Master Roshi rushed up upon Gohan with immense speed that seemed impossible and unexplainable!  Using the blunt end of his walking stick he thrust it up into Gohan's gut.  It was such a clean and swift move that no blood was able to escape even though the blow had speared him like a fish!  Wow. 

            "Ow!  Gosh this smarts!  Ouch!"  Gohan exclaimed in pain. 

            "GOHAN!"  everyone screamed as the camera pans over to Gohan lying unmoving on the ground.  Then it scanned over to Master Roshi who was somehow standing in attention next to Cell, his stick still had a few patches of forgotten blood smeared on it.

            "DARN YOU CELL!   Even though we don't know how you got to be this powerful and how you came back to life, or even if you can be beaten again...I shall make you pay for hurting Gohan!"  Goku screamed while glancing fearfully at Gohan's prone body.  Quickly, he and the other saiyans powered up the legendary level of a Super Saiyan.

            "You big meanie!  You hurt my big brother!"  Instead of a battle cry, an enraged Goten hollered his statement while he flung himself at his foe.  Young Trunks was not far behind, wanting to aid his friend.

            Piccolo, however, grabbed Trunks wrist.  "No, Trunks, you'll get hurt!"

            "If Gohan were okay, he'd go!"  And so his arm was freed from the namek's grasp, and he flew shouting a "Wait up!" at Goten.

            "Darn it all!"  Piccolo grumbled in frustration.

            "Kakarrot!  We must use the technique of becoming one person!"  Vegeta told the third class warrior as the others gasped, again in shock.

            "But we mustn't!  We only learned it a little bit ago!  And I'm hungry!"  Goku said in all seriousness.  The others looked between the two, in almost disbelief.

            "So?"  Vegeta's mouth continued to form syllables that went unheard.

            "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!"  Yamcha shrieked in an un-human way.  Vegeta could only nod for he was indeed, serious.

            A gasp was sent through the group in unison.  And as crappy music begins to play a shot is shown of Cell, chuckling evilly to himself until the announcer with the deep voice is heard again...

            "As Gohan lays unconscious, injured by one of their own, Vegeta suggests a new fusion technique!  Is he serious?  And will young Goten and Trunks be successful in their blind strike at the newly...brought back to life Cell?  Find out next time on...DRAGON BALLLLL ZZZZZ!"  The announcers part comes to an end and the preview of the next episode begins.

            "Hiya!  It's me, Goku!  Wow, our old enemy Cell is back and is causing lotsa trouble!  It's making us very uneasy, especially when more people fall under his rule!  Wow guys, I think this is pretty bad...we need you Gohan!"  Goku explains happily while fragments of Cell's new minions and Gohan's still prone body are shone.  The scene fades to the next episode's title, "Another Atonement!" as a poorly produced guitar riff screeches out.  Well, even though half of us probably don't know what the meaning of 'atonement' is...it sounds like a grand episode!

Yey...that was silly...Goodness, I'm tired.  *looks at clock* Oooo, 5:20 A.M....I wrote that slower than I thought...ehehehehehe.  I can barely think straight so I should probably go...


End file.
